Thank you, Jesus

Most of you probably don't realize this, but I'm actually a pretty devoted Christian.

Seriously. Stop laughing.

Ok, I'll grant you that I can be crass, profane, and then there's the whole living in sin thing, but in reality, I am still the Bible thumper I was raised to be. Just don't tell my Mom. It would shatter all of her illusions of me as a drug-addled harlot. Don't tell my cousins, who love to think of me as the hippie heathen wing of the family. And, please don't think about this too hard, those of you who fondly recall me as your friend the Drunken Sailor.

I may be a bit salty, but I actually talk to Jesus all day long. No, really. Always have since high school, and boy howdy, do I have a story to explain why (sorry - too much Palin on TV. She's darn sure out of her depth and gettin' a heckuva whuppin'.)

Know how you can trip over the same object again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again, and then when you need it, it's gone? You go into your purse for gum, and pull out a pen. Try to answer your phone, and pull out a pen. Look for change for the parking meter, and there's that pen. Need your keys? TOUGH SHIT, IT'S THAT MOTHERFUCKING PEN. And, then, at the bank? No pen. Pen's gone. Can't find it.

Today I lost 2 very important things: a $200 check that did not belong to me, and the thumb drive I use to record EVERYTHING that I shuttle between work and home. So, I had a talk with Jesus. The check was at the bottom of the 3rd bag of garbage I went through, the stinky one with all the kitty litter and spoiled milk. I only checked there because I had searched every other place for 3 days and I was REALLY desparate. The thumb drive? Not in 4 purses, 2 wallets, 2 jackets, or several pieces of furniture. But, I found 'em both, and so I say without a hint of sarcasm, THANK YOU, JESUS because I really couldn't do without finding them.

It's been a tough day. 5600 piece mailing had to be pulled back and redone. Twice. And, I had pie for breakfast, and popcorn and Mallowmars for dinner. I can't wait til this busy season is done. But at least I've got my stuff.