Still not as bad as a day working for Cruella

Thank you to everyone has sent me emails this week. I miss you all so much - you just make me laugh out loud! I have to say I'm SORRY that I haven't gotten back to you. Sigh - this is exactly my problem. I'm now terrible at follow through. So, here's why.

If you've spent time with me and Dr. Boy, you've probably seen us "fight." Everyone tells me that we fight all the time, but it's just not true. We disagree all the time, but we're hardly ever really angry. You may not realize it, but I hate to fight more than almost anything else. Yelling, and public anger are mortifying for me when they happen to other people. And I don't tolerate them well when they happen to me (LOL! Somewhere, my exes are in a dead faint. Ready for another? I don't really drink anymore. My 3 drink suggestion has become a firm 2 drink limit as of late. Well,... now no one's reading, cuz you're all dead from shock. An-ee-way...)

This morning it was raining cats and dogs. And we only had one crappy umbrella. I had bought 4 when I moved in, but they're gone, and neither one of us lost them. Uh-huh. Normally, I just go to work without an umbrella. I'm only outside for a few blocks, and it's just not worth the hassle of taking one from the doorman. But today I had a big meeting at the High Church of Fashion and I wanted to look nice.

Turns out, that was the only umbrella Dr. Boy knew about, and he didn't know the doorman trick. So he was pretty pissed. We've been having some Living Together Tension this week about cleaning the apartment, and in the process of looking for an umbrella, he found one of my hidden messes.

So before I got to the office, the crappy umbrella let the rain get my favorite, freshly dry cleaned, pants and ruined 'em. And, the manicure that I got for my meeting with the Fashion Girls chipped. Leigh called to yell at me, and even my special trip to Starbucks was wrecked. Then I got to my office and got the crap kicked out of me. One Board member freaked out, one nitpicked, and then I had the meeting with the Fashion Girls in my unironed pants, chipped nails, and frizzy hair. I went from one meeting with subtext and hostility to the next meeting of outrage and emotional neediness. And through it all, I was fielding the angry call, the "don't you get it" call, the distraught call, and all the while falling on my sword to make everyone feel good. So they feel good, and I feel wrung out.

Some days I look around the 8'x9' space I share with my boss and fantasize about the job I turned down. It would have been dull, and the commute was several hours, and I thought, "I didn't move to NYC to buy a car and commute half the day." But I remember the spacious office, with a door, that would have been mine, and the view of the rolling lawn next to the free childcare center. Suddenly, being bored to the point of suicide doesn't seem so bad. Most days, I really enjoy the Board and the Powers That Be. And though my boss makes me frantic, I adore her. And my sweet assistant who complimented my Target raincoat on the way to the Church of High Fashion. But today I'd have traded it all for a job cleaning toilets.

I sent Dr. Boy an angry email this morning that was so completely unglued that it is laughable. And, at lunchtime, he sent me a sweet, articulate apology that was pitch perfect, and what I wanted to say to him once I calmed down. End of day, I found out that my sweet uncle has run into complications from brain surgery. First it was cancer; now the medication from surgery has led to blood clots and emergency surgery. I barely know him, but I like him a lot, and he's really important to Mom. I had so much to do at the office, but I just had to leave.

I bought Dr. Boy an umbrella as an apology, and he ordered me the dinner I wanted. And Grumpy Kitty, who normally doesn't want much to do with me, has tailed me all night to love me, and talk to me, and snuggle with me. I'm going drink a beer, watch Oprah, and go to bed. I promise to email you all soon.

XOXO, M