Breeders

So, today I got cornered into a pretty typical Big Kitty conversation. I'm going to paraphrase, cuz the actual conversation was pretty roundabout and inane.

Co-workers: So, Big Kitty, when are you going to have a baby?

So, I've learned that this loaded question comes with any of a number of the obvious subtexts. These are some of my favorites:

a) because we want to know when you'll go on maternity leave and never come back,
b) because you're over 30, and you must want a baby,
c) because you've been dating Dr. Boy for 800 years, and you must want a baby.

My new co-worker has introduced a new one by suggesting that when she gained a bunch of weight, she started a family to get people off her back and buy herself some time to slim down. I was horrified, and totally beating myself up for getting so fat that people would say that, and then I realized... hey, I know a couple of women who did that. So, judge not people in glass houses til you've worn another woman's shoes, cuz dude, you never know.

But in general, this question means, everyone wants a baby at some point, so you must to, so when will you get around to it?

Here's the thing; not everyone wants a baby. I have never felt I needed to have a child, and I have certainly NEVER wanted to be pregnant. Sometimes I think that maybe I hold myself back a bit lest I be disappointed that I never have a baby, but day after day that thought just turns out to be horse shit. I have never stayed awake at night longing for a child, and I pine away over spoons, earrings, matches and other Really Important Things.

So, I gave my standard answer of

Me: I don't know if I'm going to have a baby

which is a nice way of putting people off, but more often than not leads to clucking and furrowed brows and reassurances that I am young, and I have lots of time to have a baby. This, dear reader, is when I tell the truth.

Me: I'm not sure if I want a baby. I mean, I want a puppy, but a baby I'm not sure about.

Usually, they think I'm kidding, realize I'm not and then try to persuade me. Then, more reassurances about my fertility. I can't wait to be post-menopausal so people will just start asking me about less personal things like horomone replacement therapy.

Let me say this - I love babies. I think I'd be a great mother. I'm a hell of mapcap Auntie. I'm so glad that so many of you have children. And, I hope you'll all love me just as much if I never have a baby, and just want to dote on yours. And, if I can't get pregnant, I'll happily adopt if ever I feel like I have room in my life for a munchkin. Lately, I am acutely aware of all the little selfish things I do, and enjoy, that would be ruined forever if I had a child. So, while the jury is still out on my uterus, I'm enjoying sleeping in and staying up late to read blogs.

But, I do long to shop for babies. I'm a little obsessed with this amazing bassinet. I have vaguely considered mugging the new mother that owns it. And, I've found nothing that I really like until today. I think I will make it a cat holder. With a spare hook for bad ones.